"Grey" Area...

I don't think there is a person on this planet who hasn't at least heard (if they aren't already watching it religiously) of the hit TV drama, Grey's Anatomy.
I'm one of those people.
There have been five seasons so far, and I can only recall missing two episodes ever...and I eventually sat down and watched those re-runs on my laptop. I think addicted might be too strong a word...hooked may be more appropriate. I just like it. A lot.
With that being said...
Something happened while watching the final few episodes of last season. It started with me feeling, well, just plain sad after they ended. Not just sad for a few minutes, but sad for a few hours, and sometimes even into the next day. I mean, the show certainly isn't always "upbeat." In he majority of the episodes there's lots of, emotion, I guess you could call it...hopelessness, dying, oh, and more dying. I remember thinking, during the season finale, how much more horrible it would be if I (or worse, someone I love) died, and that was the end.
And here's the thing...it wasn't just all the tragedy on the show that's caused me to second guess myself watching it. Tragedy is real, and its dramatic, and that's why people love the show anyways. It was much more than that. Something was tugging at my heart. I started to feel incredibly convicted. Honestly, my first thought was, "Would I allow Sawyer to sit and watch this with me?" Of course the answer was no, no and NO again. But for me...that still wasn't enough to keep me from watching. When I finally allowed myself to give it some more thought I realized I was devoting my time to watching something that glorified adultery, homosexuality, profanity, and all sorts of other immoral behavior. There was even an episode that sort of "poked fun" at Christianity. I wrestled with the idea of never watching the show again for weeks...until I read something. Actually, a few somethings. I was going through my bible and I came across a couple of verses:
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve that God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. --2 Peter 1:5-8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true,
whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable
- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -
think about these things. Phil 4:8
1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. John 15:1-8
I don't know about you, but I soooo want to bear good fruit! I want to be filled to the brim with God's love, so much so, that it overflows and people can truly see a difference in me. If I call myself a "Christian", then I should want to be set apart. I want to set my sights on things above...things that are pure, and lovely, and admirable.
I know what some of you reading this are thinking, and I don't want you to take me the wrong way. I am by no means saying that if you watch this show you are a wretch headed for hell. I don't think I'm "better" by not watching it, and this post isn't intended to be some sort of a guilt trip. Actually, on the contrary. I decided to write this because I know my nature, and I want to be accountable to all who read this, because it would be so easy for me to turn on the season premiere this Thursday night and watch it from beginning to end.
While I know in my heart of hearts that I have no business watching the show, if I'm being honest, it doesn't make me stop wanting to. I think this is probably something I'll struggle with for a while...and its kind of funny because most people would laugh and say, "C'mon...its just a TV show!"
I've always said I'm a work in progress, and this is all part of it. I just thank the Lord that He hasn't given up on me yet...even when it takes me a while to "get it."